Letter to My Girls

Girls,

As we talked about new relationships we are entering into or possibly entering into last night, I have to admit that I am troubled today.  The reason for that is, I want the very best for you…for all of you.  I don’t want you to miss out on being blessed immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine because you settled for less than God’s will for your dating life. 

This morning, I went to find a Christian dating advice blog, or something to talk about this kind of thing, but they were all hoakey and lame. Maybe I am about to be hoakey and lame.  I just know that nothing I could find said what I wanted to say to you.

What I want to say to you, what I want to urgently tell you, is this:  Seek Him first when it comes to dating.  You can save yourself so much heartache and turmoil and dysfunction and sexual sin if you do that.  What does that look like?  Try to think of what He would have you do, and pray about it.  Pray before you enter into any dating relationship and think about whether or not this guy is good for your walk, or someone that the Lord would have you with.  Ask the guy questions about his spirituality at the beginning, and let that be a determining factor for you.  If he is not a Christian or if he is not on the same page with you in terms of being committed to growing in Christ, chances are he is not going to be good for your walk.  If you have a bad feeling or hesitations about whether or not it’s right, chances are, it’s not.  When you know it’s from God you will be sure.   

The second thing is: Do not be impatient when it comes to dating.  I have no doubt that any of you could be blessed with a husband who is a strong man of God, but you can’t get ahead of Him with your own will or understanding  or wanting to fill a lonely spot, because He wants your heart FIRST.  Does He want to sanctify you and make you ready for a husband?  Probably.  He will most certainly want to sanctify you, and odds are, you will probably get married.  Will it be on your time?  Probably not.  Will you have to be patient and go through some growing pains to be ready and in a place where God can bless you with a Godly, healthy marriage relationship?  Most likely.  Is it hard?  Yes.   But I know… I know with all my heart that it is WORTH IT. 

If anyone had reason to doubt seeking Him first or being patient in Him, it was me.  I was 28 years old when God got ahold of my heart.  As I entered into my 30’s and continued to surrender my sexuality and dating life to Him, being single for several years, I thought, What kind of guy is going to want me?  I am thirty years old and a former lesbian—and I am still screwed up.  What kind of guy who is strong in the Lord would be willing to accept my past and sometimes even my present…AND be willing to not have sex until marriage? I don’t even know how it’s going to work out, God!! Sexually or emotionally!! I have never even been in love with a man!!   

 But God is so faithful.  He showed me that I could not rely on my own understanding.  I sought Him first with all of that, and He paired me with a man who accepted me, past and all.  Not only that, but Billy waited for me until we were married, and now we are in a healthy, Godly marriage.  And if that happened with me, that can happen with any one of you.  It is my hope and prayer and vision for all of you…Godly men, Godly marriages, blessed and upheld by the Lord.   I am praying for you!!  I hope you will take this to heart. 

Love,
Krissy