I guess I have somewhat made peace with the
fact that I will never be one of those "stick skinny" sort of girls.
I actually don't want to look that way...I do think muscle looks good and I desire to be fit and healthy,
but my problem is obsession. I have this obsession and unrealistic
expectation for me to remain the same weight I was in high school for my whole
life. And I buy into the world’s mentality that I should!! I buy
into the world’s mentality about being strong and fit and healthy and looking
like a million bucks and making sure that every picture I ever post of myself
on social media has me looking as good as I ever do. No flab, no neck
wrinkles. And heaven forbid anyone tag me in an unflattering picture of
myself on Facebook that is up for more than 5 minutes. I continue to
guard and protect this image of myself, an image of what could be me, an image
that I know comes from me and not God.
Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. (Colossians 2:20-23)
And the knowing, powerful, righteous and wise word of God goes on to say: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set you hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Se your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:1-3)
So, I am dropping this cistern with its cracks, that will never hold water for me, and letting it shatter on the ground. And I will take up the one that has living water. Oh Jesus, how I cherish the freedom in you. How I cherish the living water that flows from who I am in you. I will love myself for who I am in You and refuse to allow my body shape or my weight to determine how I feel about myself.