Genesis, the Beginning of Something Beautiful

In 2013, I had a moment with a mother in Honduras. It was out on the streets within the mountain of Mogoté, just outside of Tegucigalpa.  I was singing "La Niña de Tus Ojos" in the street with the little girls.  It translates, quite literally, into "The Little Girl of Your Eyes." His eyes.

As I played the guitar and sang with these little girls, the meaning of the song and how God sees us as His precious children, along with these little voices singing, overwhelmed me.   The tears poured out and I couldn’t sing anymore, but the little girls, with their sweet voices, carried the song.  One of the moms and I met eyes and she was bawling, too.  We embraced each other and praised God.

This mom’s name was Haydee, and her daughter's name was Genesis.  Genesis was such a pretty little girl…she had the most beautiful, expressive brown eyes.

I may have met her the year before, but in 2013, she really made an impression on me. She was only 4, but she acted much older.  She was one of the quiet kids, reserved and behaved. Her hands were always folded inside of each other and in her lap in front of her.  As the other kids romped around and tickled and tumbled, she sat and observed, taking it all in. 

When I sat down to play the guitar, she was enchanted by it, captivated by it.  As I strummed or picked the notes of a chord slowly, her face turned to me and those big brown eyes lit up with wonder and joy.  She smiled with her whole face as she watched and listened to me play!! 

She was shy.  When I moved in to let her see and hear the guitar more closely, she nervously looked away, but then found the courage to look back at me and break into a big beaming smile.  I coaxed her into taking the pick from my hand and let her strum while I changed chords, so that she could hear the different sounds.  She strummed so delicately and beamed when the sounds changed. :-)

When Billy and I got back home from the 2013 trip, I did some digging to find out who this little girl was, and what family she belonged to.  I found out that Genesis’ mom was Haydee, the same mom in the streets when the little girls were singing, the one who cried and praised God with me!!  That was it.  Billy and I decided to give the family some monthly support.  We began sending $50 a month, each month. 

When we went back to Honduras the next year, I was excited to see Genesis and her mom.  Out in the street the first day, I saw them both and ran up to greet them. Genesis was a little shy at first, but she did hug me at her mother’s coaxing. 

The next day, Genesis had found her courage.  When she saw me come outside, she marched right up to me and proudly stuck out an envelope.  I took it, opened it up, and my eyes began flooding with tears as I read the letter.

You see, all Billy and I did was to start sending a small gift of 50 dollars a month to Genesis and her family.  But what God did, with His incredibly personal touch, was to have that gift arrive for the first time on Genesis’ birthday.

A little girl turned 5, and what God did was provide for her the shoes and clothes that she really needed on a special day.  A birthday gift from the Lord Himself.  How precious He is to us...
  

I stood there reading the family's letter of thankfulness and awe, and I saw the pictures Genesis had drawn for me in magic marker, flowers and whatnot. :-)  She had also written a scripture in her 4-year old-handwriting, a Psalm of thanks that acknowledged the Lord's blessing.  It was clear there was a special connection between us and this family.

From the left: Me, Genesis' sister Katy, Haydee.  Genesis is up front. The father, Cristino, was working during the time of the picture. 

So, what we are doing now is sending sweet, shy Genesis to “Hope Academy.”  It is a program run by the organization we volunteer with on our mission trips every year-- “Hope for Honduras, Inc.”  Genesis will be starting as a kindergartener, and as we continue to provide sponsorship, she will continue on through grade school.  We have seen these programs in the flesh and know how valuable they are to feed children both spiritually and physically.  The mission is Christ, but physical needs are provided for as well.  And the education is also top notch. We feel blessed beyond measure to be able to give Genesis and her family this gift. We thank the Lord for what he has done and can't wait to see what He will continue to do!!

P.S. If you are interested in changing a child's life and spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth, consider sponsoring a child through Hope Academy, or donating to this mission:  https://www.hope4honduras.org/donate

Like A Child

I don’t like being humbled.  I don’t like not being able to do things on my own.  I don’t like stumbling and falling like a child.  But that’s what I have been forced to do with a couple of areas of my life in which I habitually sin.   God is helping me learn to walk in freedom from them, and like a little child, I stumble and fall.  I skin my knees and I get gravel embedded into my hands.  It hurts and it sucks.  I don’t want to learn to walk, I want to run already.  And like a child, I don’t want to accept His hand, I want to push it away.  I choose to grab onto other things to steady myself, rather than walk the hard road of dependence on Him.   But I will never find real balance grabbing on to those other things.  I will never learn to walk in Him as long as I am grabbing anything other than His hand. 

It’s funny how you can have a “quiet time” without actually having a quiet time.  How you can sit at the table and open your Bible or your devotional and just be glazing right over having actual time with God.  You’re reading but not really receiving.  You’re yawning and fighting the temptation to do other things. 

It’s also funny how often this sort of “quiet time” correlates to you allowing sin into your life.  Pride. Not admitting that you are a child and you need His help.  Not grabbing onto His hand that fights for you, pleads for you, created you.  Allowing yourself to grab other things and justifying or ignoring the fact that they are sins.  Sins that you were, at one point, aware of and trying to crucify.  Sins you were willing to go through the difficult process to remove, humbling yourself like a child to be healed.  But suddenly, or maybe gradually, your heart shifted.  You weren’t willing to stumble and fall and trust God throughout the process.   You didn’t give yourself the grace to learn, nor did you admit the dependence on God you needed.  And so, you have slipped back into yourself rather than Him.  Sin crept in.  And quiet times just don’t seem to have the same significance...

The brutal truth:  What is the point of the cross if not to give Him our EVERYTHING?  Our whole hearts and minds and strengths and souls and SINS at the foot of the cross, where Jesus bled out and died.  Where He was CRUCIFIED to give us the hand that heals us.  It is almost not worth it to have a quiet time unless we are willing to surrender it all.  Everything.  Because if our sin is more valuable to us than His awful death, we may as well just hang on to it instead.

But I say “almost” not worth it because I know He fights for us even when we hold on to our sins, that He waits for us to turn to Him with unlimited patience.  Such a gentleman is our God.  Slow to anger, quick to forgive, always compassionate...always loving us despite us.  And there is value in going to Him exactly where we are, even if we’re not willing to surrender, even when we raise our stiff necks to Him.  When we clench our fists in anger, when we fight Him tooth and nail, and when we slip into the passively mundane.  Rebellion, defiance, complacence.  Because He brings us to the TRUTH eventually.  And eventually, hopefully, we are willing to hear it.

Oh, how good it feels when we finally let go of sin.  What new life is breathed into our time with Him. Such a sweet surrender when we trust Him at His WORD.  A little scary…a leap off of a mountain.  But as the air flows in our faces, we feel His freedom.  We feel ALIVE again, like a stream of water has touched the desert place of our hearts, where we may not have even realized how parched we were.  That living water is a humble place of repentance that only He can bring so directly, but also so lovingly.

I will become like a child.  I will humble myself like a child.  I will give myself the grace He wants to give me when I fall, but I will also be willing to stumble and fall and make sure that I do this the right way.  Not be prideful enough to think that I have my own methods to “cure” my sin.  Not be avoiding the road He has planned for me.  My father in heaven is the only one that can guide me down this road, pick me up and dust off my knees when I fall, and lead me to streams of living water.

Leo's Gift

I didn't really want to give away my first electric guitar.  Even though it was an Ibanez "shredder" guitar, designed for a style that I don't really play anymore, it was very sentimental to me.  I had owned it since I was 14 or 15 years old, and it had been with me for all the many changes of my life.  I moved it with me when I moved to different parts of Texas at least 4 or 5 times. I thought I would always keep it, even if it was just a nostalgic conversation piece in the closet. So, when I sensed God leading me to dust it off, get it fixed up, and give it away, I was immediately resistant.  Awwwe, man.  God.  It was my first guitar!!  I whined a little to Him and pushed back on the thought of giving it away, but I knew it was what He wanted me to do.  Because if it was just an extra guitar and didn't mean anything to me, what kind of gift would it be?  My leftovers or whatever I "could spare" wouldn't mean much.  But to give something that, in all honesty, I really wanted to keep, something that hurt a little to give away and was really a sacrifice, that means something.  To God and to the recipient.  Ok ok OK, God.  I'll do it.

I planned to give it to the youth pastor at Hope 4 Honduras, who is a wonderful guitar player and worship leader.  But the thing was, I found out right before going that the youth pastor had gotten a job elsewhere and was no longer at the mission.  Well, who would I give it to now, God? I debated about even bringing the guitar at all, but I remembered what God had told me and decided to bring it after all.  I didn't know who I would give it to, but I had my eyes open for an opportunity.

Shortly after arriving in Honduras, I ran into Leo.  I had forgotten about this guitarist. ^_^ Leo works at the mission as an IT guy and also does security there, and he happens to be a killer metal guitar player.  The dude has a testimony you wouldn't believe of being redeemed by an all powerful God.  He was raised in an environment where Satanic activity, black magic, and witchcraft was the norm.  Before Christ, he was involved in all sorts of darkness and played music for the Enemy rather than God.  In the 90's, he was in a band called "Blasphemy."  But when he came to the Lord, he entered onto a journey when it came to music.  The Lord led him to put down his guitar for a long time as he healed from his former life.  God showed him his motives were more for his own glory and recognition rather than God's.  So, after some years of soul searching and transformation, Leo pondered whether or not it would be ok to pick up the guitar again.  Someone bought him one as a gift, an acoustic guitar, but he sensed he was not ready to perform yet.  This time, he promised himself, his performance had to be for an audience of One.  He loved metal and he loved to play live, but he wanted to make sure that his motives were pure, that it was for God's glory and His alone.

We sat on the patio as he was telling Billy and I all of this, and he had a fire in his eyes when he told me that just recently, he felt like God was telling him he was ready.  He had scheduled some time in the recording studio, only a few weeks from then.  He was trying to get a group of guys together to form a Christian metal band, hopefully being able to bring Christ to the dark places of the metal scene.  His goal was to be able to minister to those musicians as well, sharing his testimony, sharing the glory of God for his redeemed life.  The only thing he needed was an electric guitar, which he was planning on buying.  He didn't have much money, but he was hoping to be able to find something that would work.  I asked him the brand and type of guitar he would get if he had the choice, if he had more money, and when he said "Ibanez" and started describing the characteristics of the guitar I had brought, I knew it was time.   


After I told him the story of how the guitar got there, and the two of us in awe.

Leo playing his new gift

I will never...EVER get over how specific His love is for us.  Down to the brand and the type of gift He would give us.  I love how personal is His touch.  He provides us with more than we can ask or imagine, at exactly the right time.  I told Leo that this was His affirmation, that this was God telling him beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was, indeed, ready.

Leo is running with it.  He has been jamming and recording, and has decided to call his project "Memra," which loosely means "Word of the Lord."  In Aramaic, it is a word used in the Bible to describe when the Lord's power is physically manifested, when God's power comes alive in the physical world, as it will with Leo's music.  To God be the glory for what He does with Leo and His gift.  We are so excited to see.

New Ground

There is no room for pride in the kingdom of God.

If there is anything He has been teaching me lately, it is an accurate view of myself.  In the past few years, I have thought of myself as broken, at times.  Flawed.  Messed up in some ways.  But I was only scratching the surface of truth.  Now, I think He has shown me the heart of the matter.

My testimony is pretty amazing.  I know it.  Not many people can say that God changed their sexual identity, but I have lived it.  And I know it was only Him who could do such a miraculous feat, but there's this piece of me that wants to steal His glory.  I want to take partial credit for my life transformation.  To God be the glory... I say.  But truth be known, I have a pride problem.  I am proud in myself, proud of my ability to have made that change.

Without me even really realizing it, pride had crept in.  I felt like I had had such amazing growth in Christ to come out of my former life, maybe the rest of me wasn't too terrible.  There wasn't any need for earth shattering, fire refining sanctification, not anymore.  I had my issues, but I was doing pretty good, at least comparatively.  That was up until just recently, when I finally felt the conviction of a sin struggle, one that I had finally decided to surrender.  Not really because I wanted to follow Christ instead, but because I wanted to quit experiencing negative consequences.  It turned out to be about so much more than the outward struggle, as it often is...

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3

Poor in spirit doesn't mean we're sad or brokenhearted, it means we acknowledge how much we need him.  How impoverished we are without Him.

And with this recent sin struggle which is so terrifying to try to lose control of, I am on my face.  It makes me smile a little bittersweetly.  I guess I had been so absorbed with pride that I just hadn't been here in awhile...hadn't fallen on my knees and acknowledged who I am.  Not Krissy who "mostly" has it together.  Not Krissy who is self sufficient and wise and spiritual and serves at the church.  Not Krissy who is a small group leader and who is mostly a morally good person.

Krissy who is a wretched, evil woman.  Whose motivations in her heart of hearts are just vile.  Krissy who is a wicked sinner, building her own kingdoms and image and believing her gospel of Self.  Hopeless, helpless, useless, and, in truth, utterly nothing without Him.  Krissy who knows she must make herself Nothing.

Rather, he made himself nothing

by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

by becoming obedient to death—

even death on a cross!  Philippians 2:7-8

Sin is a cancer.  We give in to it a little, and it creeps its way into desolate corners.  We feed the flesh, and it always begs for more, never to be satisfied.  And suddenly, before we know it, those areas of sin that "aren't so bad" have metastasized and are deep into the process of killing our souls.  Killing our intimacy with God and warping our minds.  Inch by inch.  More and more of us, less and less of Him.

But then occasionally, a beam of light breaks through, as clear as day.  Revelation happens, and we realize the wretchedness of our sin and ourselves.  Or maybe we get so sick of suffering the consequences of the sin that we are finally to a point where we want to surrender it.  However it happens when we make the choice to do chemo, it is the start of God breaking new, fresh ground in our hearts.

It is terrifyingly awesome.  Like free falling off of a mountain and trusting that something will catch us.  Many people don't take the leap off the mountain at all.  Many continue to trust in themselves, and as a result, don't realize how miserable they really are.  Life is too short for that, but people live in bondage for years because they have become comfortable with sin.  Familiar.  And their strongholds keep them from the freedom in Christ.

There is a scene in the movie "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."  Indy is trying to cross a chasm carved into rock and it's 50 feet wide.  He is told it is a "leap of faith," but the chasm is wider than any man could jump.  And he is breathing heavy and sweating and clearly fearful, realizing that he won't be able to do it.  It is terrifying and unfamiliar. But instead of turning around and giving up, and instead of trying to take the leap with all of his own might, he takes one. Baby. Step.  And his faith upholds him.

There is a Switchfoot song called "Always," and it is a lovesong between God and the subject of the song.  It talks about how God continuously offers Himself to us, that He is always ours, every step of our lives, that His grace is always ours for the taking.  And in the end, the man in the song has this revelation:

Hallelujah....I'm caving in.  Hallelujah, I'm in love again.  Allelujah, I'm a wretched man.  Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance.  

How perfectly this captures the bittersweetness of sanctification.  We feel like we're caving in, but we fall deeper in love with Christ. We have the realization of our wretchedness, but at the same time, we know what grace means: every breath is a second chance. HALLELUJAH.

There is a war going on for my heart, but my Father is breaking new ground. I am free falling off of the mountain, I am trying to take a baby step into the chasm, and I'm caving in.  But it is a good thing.  A painful but freeing thing.  I will not give up and I will not go back to my flesh.  I am fighting.

Oh, and one more thing. 

"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." (1 Corinthians 2:2)  

I pray I would never again think that I have it together.  I pray I might always recognize my need to pursue more of Him, less of me. May I always rely on Christ alone, knowing the wretched woman I am apart from Him.  May I know nothing, be nothing, make myself nothing, express nothing BUT Him and Him crucified.  

Food Fight

I guess I have somewhat made peace with the fact that I will never be one of those "stick skinny" sort of girls.  I actually don't want to look that way...I do think muscle looks good and I desire to be fit and healthy, but my problem is obsession.  I have this obsession and unrealistic expectation for me to remain the same weight I was in high school for my whole life.  And I buy into the world’s mentality that I should!!  I buy into the world’s mentality about being strong and fit and healthy and looking like a million bucks and making sure that every picture I ever post of myself on social media has me looking as good as I ever do.  No flab, no neck wrinkles.  And heaven forbid anyone tag me in an unflattering picture of myself on Facebook that is up for more than 5 minutes.  I continue to guard and protect this image of myself, an image of what could be me, an image that I know comes from me and not God.  

The hilarious thing…the saddening thing, the maddening thing, is that I know I will never meet that image.  Because just as I get close to it, it will always elude me.  I know, because I have been in really good shape and mostly happy with my body, only to think “Ya know? I really would like to lose just another 5 pounds.” Then, I would be happy.  It’s like right when I think I am going to drink from that water of satisfaction, I only see more cracks in the cistern where the water is leaking out.  And I know...I KNOW that I will never ever be satisfied with drinking from that cistern.  Never.  I will never find satisfaction in my flesh. Deep down, in places that are so deep in my soul only God really knows, I know my flesh always deceives me.  The more we feed the flesh, the more it wants. 

I lament at the wasted time I have spent on vanity. On me following my rules and failing over and over again miserably for years, rather than just trusting Him.  I have spent years, that’s right YEARS, obsessing over the 10 or so pounds I have gained in the last 5 years, and worrying about it and how do I get it off and what kind of crazy rule following and diet restrictions can I follow to get it off.  Reading for hours on the internet about food and diets and exercise and the latest research and nutrition info.  Restricting and rule following and then swinging to the other end of the pendulum, eating too much and cramming down whatever sweets and unhealthy things I can get my hands on.  Sinful, obsessive food issues at their finest.

The word of God:

 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. (Colossians 2:20-23)

And what He spoke to my heart:

Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, (we died to this world, we are not ruled by anything of the earth) why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: (why do we allow ourselves to be mastered by diets or food restrictions?) “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? (every diet EVER has "do nots") These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. (Diets will fail because they are based on HUMAN COMMANDS AND TEACHINGS, not the wisdom or FREEDOM of Christ.) Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, (there is all kinds of nutritional info and restrictions that seem legit) with their self-imposed worship, (they help us worship the rules and OUR OWN BODIES rather than the rule maker, the MAKER of our bodies) their false humility ("_____ diet helped me" instead of giving the credit and strength for good health to God) and their harsh treatment of the body, (Restricting and depriving your body and working out too much sucks!!!) but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. (These things have never helped us get ahold of the real problem, which is a HEART CONDITION.  We have a lust of the heart, an idolatry of food, and only Christ can redeem that!!  Not some diet!!  Not restrictions or human wisdom...)  

 And the knowing, powerful, righteous and wise word of God goes on to say: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set you hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Se your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  (Colossians 3:1-3) 

 These things that I have been wrapped up in have no eternal significance…they certainly are not dwelling on things above!!!  They have absolutely nothing to do with my identity in Christ.

 So, I am dropping this cistern with its cracks, that will never hold water for me, and letting it shatter on the ground.  And I will take up the one that has living water.  Oh Jesus, how I cherish the freedom in you.  How I cherish the living water that flows from who I am in you.  I will love myself for who I am in You and refuse to allow my body shape or my weight to determine how I feel about myself.  

 I feel like God has showed me all of this before, but I just couldn't allow Him to have complete control.  Well, now I am trying to learn what giving Him total control looks like, and I feel like the verses in Colossians speak volumes to me.  I feel like it is not getting on the scale.  It may be alright for some people, but it is idolatry for me right now. 

And I have to balance out the rule following with what he also speaks to my situation: not everything is beneficial for me.  "I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but not everything is constructive." (Corinthians 10:23)  Although I can eat whatever I want, it is not beneficial for me to eat nothing but Oreos.  I know God has given me freedom to also eat vegetables.  I will quit looking at food as good or bad, but I will be wise to determine what would not be beneficial in my freedom.  I will not use my freedom to indulge in the sinful nature, but to eat and drink to the glory of God.  And I will not allow food to be my master.

It is a battle to trust Him.  And it is also just a battle for me to not be a little piglet when it comes to food.  I love everything and I have a hard time eating healthy for the right reasons, watching my portions, etc.  But I think those are battles that are worth fighting because I am fighting sinful eating.  The battle not worth engaging in is the one that says I have to weigh a certain amount or look a certain way to be JOYFUL. That I have to be down in the dumps because of a number on the scale and I have to adjust my eating accordingly.  No, I will accept myself right where I am the same way Christ does, and believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139) 

I am learning to walk when it comes to eating for the glory of God.  I am stumbling, I am falling sometimes, but I am also learning how to give myself grace when it comes to not beating myself up for making mistakes. Trying to find a balance.  

So what does that look like?  Here’s what He shows me:  One meal at a time.  Matthew 6.  Not worrying about the future, not worrying about what I will eat or drink, not worrying about the scale.  Lord, heal me one step at a time as I continue to trust you,destroying arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ.  (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

It is time…time for me now to get off this train.  Baby steps forward to trust in Him.  The world says I need to follow rules and diets and calories, but I will follow you.  The world says I need exercise and to trust all of the latest human wisdom and my own understanding, but I will trust you.  One meal at a time. ALL my heart.  Not just a little.  Not anymore.  I refuse to do this anymore.  Jesus, be my strength.

 

When I Survey The Wondrous Cross

I am so ugly when it comes to being a musician.  I am envious, competitive, falsely humble, prideful, insecure, needy, perfectionistic, critical, and selfish.  All of these horrible things have taken root in my heart far more often than I care to admit.  I mean, I really struggle with these things.  It seems as though whenever I pick up the guitar, it is a constant battle in my soul to fight for the truth of what I do.  A war to allow God to bring out the Christ in me…true humility. Servanthood.  Sacrifice.  Denial of self.  A desire to give Him ALL glory and reserve none for myself.  Because I KNOW the only good that is in me is really Him.  Any good ability I have to play the guitar does not come from me, in fact, I am nothing apart from Him.  Without Him, I am a branch without its tree.  A branch destined to wither and die, worthy of nothing except to be burned in the fire. Occasionally, I “get” that.  I sometimes know that truth in my inmost place.  

I remember one of these moments, ages ago, when I was serving at the West Campus.   Daniel and Leanne Vencil were leading, and we were doing Tim Hughes’ version of “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.”  

Something divine happened that morning.  Something came into focus with us and our band.  We glimpsed a picture bigger than ourselves.  We were not focused on us, not focused on our own presence or our own part in worship, but focused on the living Christ.  We were not worried about notes or chords or intros or transitions, only overwhelmed by the holy truth we sang about Jesus.  The Spirit filled us.  And through us came this picture of bittersweet wonder at Him on the cross.

See from His head, His hands, His feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown? 

And the beauty of it, the love and the life of it, the magnitude of what it means for our lives, brought us low.

Were the whole realm of nature mine, That were an offering far too small; Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all. 

And the unmistakable response was gratitude, lifting our voices to sing:

Thank you for the cross!!!  I Thank you for the Cross!!  I Thank you for the Cross my Lord…. 

Leanne sang as though with an angel’s voice.  We played as though already in Heaven, for our savior who stood before us in all His glory, the train of His robe filling the room.  And our tears poured down as freely as the streams of His love in the deepest darkest, desert places of our souls.  Through this music, we lifted up our thankfulness, our soul’s satisfaction, our life’s purpose, for the love and the blood and the power and the glory of Jesus Christ. 

THAT’S the kind of worship I want to do.  That’s the kind of worship I want to help others do!!!   In my guitar playing, I long for a complete denial of self and a complete encompassing of Jesus.  I am fighting for this.  I am sick of wanting people to see me, I want them to see CHRIST.  I yearn for the day when I no longer struggle with selfishness in my gift.  What a petty thing to stand in the way of the living God.  I want to put to death this sin and self, and bring to life a more complete, pure devotion to Jesus.  

Exodus

I remember when God came down from heaven to woo my heart. He opened my eyes to a different purpose for living, spoke to me in the inmost place. I tried to ignore it. I said, “No, it’s too difficult.“ I knew He called me to a promised land, but I didn’t believe the promise. I begged Him, I pleaded with Him that it just wasn’t possible. All I saw was the sea, not the hand that could part it. But I finally took up the faith to approach that sea, and he divided the waters, as PROMISED.  What was impossible for me on my own became possible through the power of Christ. Oh, how I cherish that hand of Christ. He made a way for me. May I never forget the reality of my exodus from slavery, my redemption story, my journey into the promised land. In Jesus’ name.