Thirst

On my way to work this morning, I saw a stray cat drinking a nearly dry puddle on the side of the curb.  The water was muddy and practically nonexistent.  And my heart hurt for this cat, who was clearly thirsty and not really solving that problem.  And then it brought to mind all the People, souls in remote places of the world, walking miles and miles to their only clean water source, with their children in tow.  And how thirsty they must be as they walk those dusty, dry roads...watching their children die of thirst before even making it to the well.

I stopped at a red light and glanced over at the driver in the car next to me.  The guy was mundanely rubbing his eyes in the car.  And it occurred to me that in this post Christian society, the probability is that he does not have faith in Christ.  Maybe he claims to be a Christian or identifies as a Christian because of some institution of his childhood, but does he really believe?  Does he live his life accordingly?  And like many, many people in this area, his soul is probably destined for hell.  Where people would give anything for water as they gnash their teeth and suffer, Eternally thirsty.

And as I continue driving I am praying….Oh, the horrors that are happening on my street right now.  People committing atrocities towards one another, and the wronged are suffering and striving and scrapping to emotionally survive.  Carelessness, wickedness, Godlessness lead to deep wounds of the heart.  We live in a dark, horrible world marred by sin.  We thirst for redemption and cleansing and justice.

I consider all the sickness that has overwhelmed everyone I know this season.  It seems no one on my block can get well or stay well, and none of my family can, either.  I have a friend who has two little boys, and she just saw the stomach flu for two days move throughout her whole household.  My neighbor has a stupid high fever; my other neighbor is working despite a cold. And I consider….all this temporary sickness is brutal….but some other friends I know are dying inside over the loss of their 2 year old baby boy to cancer.  I went to the hospital to visit as this baby was getting treatment after painful treatment and test.  When he saw me enter the room, he cringed and curled and buried himself in his mother’s breast because he thought I was a nurse there to terrorize him.  That baby suffered for a year and died, and now his parents are grieving so hard they thirst for Jesus and the end of this life.   

Almost to work now, I am blasting a song on repeat.  A song about hope.

I won't turn to dust now

Let these tears rust now….on my face

Give me the spark now

To believe

To see

Hope is what we crave, and that will never change
So I stand and wait
I need a drop of grace to carry me today,
A simple song to say
It's written on my soul:
Hope's what we crave

For King and Country, “Crave”

Jesus MUST be our only hope, because hope isn’t often to be found in this life.  He must be our salve to the suffering; He must be our light in the darkness.  And He IS the living water that quenches our thirst.  

“But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."   John 4:14

He is the source from which we can drink and be satisfied.  Our thirsts quenched, no matter the state of our thirsty lives.  For we know that the living water He provides wells up in us until the day we die, the day our decaying bodies meet the earth from whence we came. And then, Eternity with Him. He made us with eternity in our hearts, a longing for something more than the mess we meet on earth.  Not only is He the reason for our longing, but He is the answer to it. The reason

To live, to die,
To lose, to get,
To rise above
To love again

We thirst after something we will not find on this temporal earth, this broken world, and that is Him. As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee...

The well awaits our drawing of water.   Water bringing life to heal our thirst.

Waylayed

For the last 24 hours or so, I have been convicted in the sweetest way to love with more of His heart. I love how He always softens me with grace, the wonder and awe and beauty of it. It is never a condemning finger that convicts me to the inmost place....just a simple, loving voice.  And I sense how BIG and how POWERFUL and JUST He is, at the same time understanding how meek and mild and beautiful He is.  The lion and the lamb.  The majesty and the melody. The One who has the power to waylay, simply woos. 

His love is dramatic and powerful and bold, but it is also a love song to the deepest place of my heart. 

Woe is me.  I am floored.  I am wretched.  But in Him, I am beautiful.

And I meditate on all the ways that He has freed me.  Much to our wonder and amazement, He has answered every prayer my mother ever prayed for me!!!!!!  Throughout my rebellion.  Throughout the darkness.  And my prayers for myself over these many years, if they have been rooted in Him, have been so deafeningly, undeniably, unquestionably, Answered.  Incredible, faithful God.  

Not only has He made good on His promise to lift me from my pit, make me a new creation, transform my identity from a hopeless, marijuana addicted lesbian to a purposeful, whole, healthy Child of God, but he Has wooed my heart in the process.  And transformed me more and more and more and more by His love.  

He continues to break the chains, slough off the scales from my eyes, break me and build me back up again.  To the point where I am just overwhelmed and cannot even fathom.....His love for me knows no bounds. 

Even as recent as the struggle with Food and Exercise.  The FREEDOM He has manifested in me....  To where I do not worship the scale, the Fitbit, the calories, the fats, the carbs. It had become idolatry to me.  And He showed me how to lay it down and trust Him.  And like many of His miracles go, mine was physical and MEDICAL.  I learned to love God more than my idol and let go, and trust Him.  And He showed me how faithful He is.....I am no longer medically considered a Type II diabetic. Maybe this story deserves its own post, but I am just so compelled to write about the goodness of the Lord that I have to throw it in.  Please understand that it is not a side note.  

I am still a broken jar of clay. Him and I, we have alot of work to do in me.  But I just wanted you and Him and everyone else to know, I AM ALL IN on this with Him. I will continue to be all in with Him for the duration of my life.  Sickness and sorrow, sadness and joy, health and happiness, whatever comes what may.  Until the LAST TRUMPET OF MY LIFE SOUNDS, I love you, Lord.  I love you, TOO. And today I am overwhelmed by YOU.  Enough to put pen to paper.  With the quill of my life, I will share of your goodness to me.